Hi, I’m Abi Jones

• Felt sort of awesome about myself because I showered in the morning rather than at 3pm. I work at home, so it is completely excusable if I don’t shower until I actually go out into public.
• Eaten microwavable mini hamburgers and sort of liked them.
• Started brushing my teeth only to be grossed out by my toothbrush already being wet and mentally blame my partner for my wet toothbrush only to realize 10 seconds later that I’ve already brushed my teeth. Okay, so there’s no excuse for that one.
• Used room spray as perfume. It was all natural stuff from Trader Joe’s and the ingredients were simply chamomile, bergamot, essential oils and water. It smelled so good, how could I not try it?
• Got ready to go outside and be ‘dressed-up’ by putting on jeans. Can I use the work-at-home excuse again? Good, I am using it.

This afternoon I read about how hispanics in the Rio Grande Valley saw Hillary vs. Barrack and I couldn’t help but think ‘That woman’s livingroom looks exactly like my grandma’s.’ In fact, I’d go so far as to say that there is a definitive style of hispanic-woman-in-the-United-States-livingroom. And it involves tchotchkes. And lots of florals. And chintz. And enormous cabinets full of commemorative plates.

And a painting of The Last Supper. You know, just to top things off.

But this list isn’t about your grandma’s decor. This list is about the things that I consider essential in knowledge and/or belongings if you’re going to be a Mexican-American woman in the United States.

• Tortilla Warmer Optional depending on your rate of tortilla consumption. As a childless couple we don’t own one, but the minute we have kids old enough to eat their own chilequiles with a tortilla, I’ll head over to Wal-Mart and pick up one.
• Religious Candles They look cool, have a function (light, not prayers) and really, what’s so wrong about banishing the evil eye?
• Your own migas recipe It pains me to admit that my blanquito doesn’t like comino all that much. It means that my version of migas doesn’t suit him. And that’s just something he’ll have to live with. For the rest of this life.
• Your Abuela’s phone number Just because you have 30 cousins doesn’t mean that you can skip calls on major holidays, her birthday and events like engagements and baby steps.
• The ability to swear in Spanish Even if your Spanish (like mine) is awful, you need to be able to let loose with some terrific cursing. This is important in cases like Thanksgiving where you will be surrounded by 27 primos and all of their kids and you’re finally sitting at the adults table. When you’re 32.
• A sense of your own sexiness Be self-confident and in control of yourself and understand that it isn’t being hispanic or female that makes you sexy. it is simply you enjoying yourself.
• Folk Art Get in touch with your roots and show your pride with some folk art. No, it doesn’t have to be a skeleton in full mariachi gear. It could be a Velasquez interpretation if you really want to go continental. De-IKEAfy your home and show some pride with art.